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Real news, or (in some cases) propaganda?


Wednesday, 3rd June, 2020.


Sunday, March 8th, 2020.

Her Majesty, echoing a well-known movie quote says: "He's not the Messiah, he's a very naughty boy!"

The Duke is now suffering from the Coronavirus variant, 'Nocrownavirus'.

It had to happen. The Duke of Sussex didn't want to self-isolate with his wife.

The Duchess of Sussex, who may now wish to be known as either "Meghan Mountbatten-Windsor" or "Meghan Sussex", stated that she fully supported her husband's desire to be free of any Royal restraint, and to be able to wander free. However, Meghan has said that she has no desire at all to see the Duke become a lumberjack, and be seen leaping from tree to tree.

The Duke agrees and says this will never occur. He wishes to be seen as a 'man of the people', and nothing else.

Fakir News applauds this approach to modern life, and the opportunity for him to enjoy the surroundings of the British Columbia's trees: the Larch, the Pine, the Giant Redwood, the Sequoia, and other natural forest flora.

But the downside of his refusal to self-isolate, and that due to constant exposure to common people, he has now contracted the Coronavirus variant, 'Nocrownavirus'. Symptoms tend to vary, but a desire to use a Cockney accent and use terms such as 'he's a geezer', 'not 'alf mate', etc., will develop over a period of time. Meghan will eventually be referred to as ''er indoors'

Worst case symptoms associated with withdrawal from Royal duties will also include such things as an impulse to become a Pearly King, speak in rhyme, eat jellied eels, and an overwhelming compulsion to become a season-ticket holder at West Ham soccer club.

Hope for his relatives

The good news (for her Majesty the Queen) is that sufferers of Nocrownavirus can be treated. A withdrawal to Buckingham Palace is the first step in rehabilitation. From there, and after intense treatment, the Duke can regain his composure and start to behave like a Royal again. But the longer he remains distant from his relatives, the harder it will be to at least get back some of the 'Royalness' he has lost.

All said and done though, should the Duke wish to remain at large, and continue to mix with the hoi polloi, he will eventually adapt to a more simple way of life. This is because Nocrownavirus is not fatal. The virus will simply cause an adjustment in the affected person's personality. It could, perversely, make him more acceptable to those he wishes to associate with. But whatever he chooses, we wish him, and his wife, a very happy future.

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